Monday, June 13, 2011

Trying to find a way to say Goodbye!

It has been  such a rough 2 weeks. We ended up going down to Evansville on Memorial Day to see my dad... and say our goodbyes. It was really hard because he looked so old and weak, almost like death already.  He couldn't speak but did open he eyes and moan and acknowledged our voice.  I wasn't sure if i wanted to go but,  like they said, I would have regrets either way. I was glad I got one last chance to say goodbye. I would do anything for one more tho..
He died early in the morning on June 2.   Kim was with him and said he went peacefully 'home'.  I worked the rest of the week to stay occupied.

The showing was June 5 and funeral June 6. The showing ran on forever. There was a two hour wait in line to get in the funeral home! It was crazy to see how many friends my dad had.   He touched so many lives in the short time he had!

My dad was diagnosed 4 years ago with prostate cancer and was in its final stage for quite some time.  I didn’t want to believe this disease would really kill him.  I was naive thinking he could beat it.  It didn’t seem real because most of the time he was healthy and active. 

 I never really knew my father.  I lived 7 years of my life with him but childhood memories have faded and I only know the man I met 2 years ago.  He seems to be a very hard working  good man living life by god’s rules.  His family loves him, and his wife adores him.  He has left a mark on a lot of people in his town and I am amazed by the messages I receive from people who knew him when I was his.  I just wish I could remember the proud eyes of my father’s as I took my first step or as I got onto the bus for my first day of school.  I wish I could remember his loving hug as he rocked me to sleep or as he handed me off to the surgeon.  I can never get those memories back.  I only have a handful of pictures and a few pages of stories.
I only know the man I met 2 years ago.  He welcomed me to his family as if no time had passed.  His family was accepting and loving.  I got the one memory no one else can ever have and I will cherish it forever.  My dad walked me down the aisle to marry the love of my life. 
Now its time to say goodbye to him.  He told me before leaving to remember that we have a relationship now that no one can ever take from us again.  He left too soon but I cherish the time I was given.  I will continue to cherish the extended family he left behind. 

I was blown away by the love and support of family. I thought this was going to be one of the hardest weekends of my life.  It was hard but I never expected the warmth and togetherness I felt. All of us kids spent this time to talk about whatever and supported each other though this sad time. I have never had a full conversation with Anthony but on this visit I had several!  I felt sisterly love from Lia and held her while we cried together. Molly and Travis made us feel especially welcome with their talk of wanting us to live in Evansville.
It makes me feel so loved.  I always felt accepted but now I feel really part of my extended family.  I never got it until now... blood family is born in the womb, but 'adopted' family is defiantly born in the heart and that makes it that much more special!  Thanks for making it such a memorable visit... 

~*~*We laughed until we had to cry, we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years we'll smile and recall, for just one moment - we had it all!*~*~

Rest in Heaven, Dad!          February 7, 1954-June 2, 2011